What I Miss

By Cate Foy, TIWP Student

I miss sitting around a table at 1 p.m. with my friends, laughing, talking, eating foreign candy. I miss going to my favorite class, and standing on a stage and looking at my peers, my friends, and thinking that I still have time with them. I miss driving around with the people who mean so much to me, but who will soon be so far from me. I miss going to cafés after a long day of school. I miss school. But the thing I miss the most is opportunity.

When you’re a second semester senior whose school gets cancelled, how are you supposed to feel? Scared? Angry? Sad? Excited? At first I was scared, because if they were cancelling school, this disease must be bad. Then I looked at the facts, and realized that I wasn’t in danger, and if people stayed inside, the disease could be contained. Then I felt angry, because why did this have to happen now? But I can’t be mad at anyone, it isn’t anyone’s fault, so why be angry? Then I felt sad. I felt sad, because I am not going to have a senior prom, or ditch day, or trip. Graduation is probably going to be cancelled, or at least modified in some way.

The one emotion that I never felt was excitement. I never wanted this to happen. It’s like this fundamental part of my adolescence is fading right before my eyes. Everything is shut down, and the quarantine is all anyone talks about. Even in my dreams, I’m stuck. I bought my prom dress one month ago. It’s white, with flowers embroidered on it. I still have time to return it, but I don’t want to, because I still want that part of my life. 

When I think about it in my head, it doesn’t seem real. It feels like a dream, a nightmare. But when I talk about it, I start to cry a little bit. Because this is it for me. This is the end of my youth, spent in the corner of my bedroom, alone. Don’t get me wrong, I know it could be worse. I know that I’m lucky, but it still sucks. I know that someday I will wake up, and be able to go outside, and hug my friends, and travel, and sit in a busy café, and enjoy my life as a young adult, but right now, during the last part of my youth, I will stay inside, and continue to miss lunches, and drama class, and driving with friends, and eating in a café, and opportunity.

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