Plans for Me

By Maxine Pollock, TIWP Student

What will give you peace?

Wow, I wonder where to begin. Lately, I have been feeling like I am at the top of the rollercoaster and the front end is barely even touching the tracks and everybody is waiting for it to drop off. All of the passengers are anxious because they know what is going to happen next. They have been on this ride before, but the train has just stopped. They knew that getting on the rollercoaster meant that you were going to go up to the peak and the tension would build, but you would always come plummeting down. But now nothing is moving and you are suspended there. And as you look around at the amusement park below, you see all the other rides come to a stop. And the people walking around start to sit down. And the world underneath you is still. And you are up there wondering when things will move again. But no one has answers.

I know that down there, that world I feel so detached from is still moving and time will never cease to exist. I was going to close out the school year with a bang. I was going to go to Vegas and Reno for volleyball and spend lunch on the grass with my friends, laughing as we soak up the spring sun. And when I put down my pencil after my last final exam, I was going to hug all of my classmates and teachers goodbye and exchange “I’ll miss you’s and have a good summer’s!” But the rollercoaster won’t move. My summer calendar was full of working, and camp, and traveling, and afternoons with friends. And after my amazing summer had come to an end, I was going to fly up to Canada and start a new chapter of my life at my new school. I was going to discover new things about myself, make friends with people from all corners of the world, and become independent. But the rollercoaster won’t move.

I just turned 15. My teenage years are supposed to be some of the most exciting and interesting times of my life and I was determined to make them so. But instead, I’m stuck on this rollercoaster that’s stuck on the peak and there is nowhere to go. I don’t do well with uncertainty. I like to plan ahead and dream about what I know is going to happen. But I don’t know if any of my plans are going to happen. No one knows because the world is frozen in place. So I need peace, I need a solution—and fast. I need someone to go to the control booth and press the button that will reboot the system and let the rollercoaster train come down. And then I can get off, stretch my legs, and return to the world that has plans for me.

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