Manifesta to Myself

By Eloise Anagnost, TIWP Student

Hello.
I am here,
not to be an emblem of cheer,
because just like you,
nothing can ever be expected
to maintain an
unaffected stance
on all that appears.
I am not here
to raise fear,
or appraise your obedience,
which seems to only bring
more pain.
I am not here to tell you
you are pretty
or some other
seemingly witty
phrase.
I am not here to give you rejection
and some half-hearted
explanation
on how “your efforts are needed
elsewhere.”
I am not here to caution you,
or to evoke feelings of despair,
or ensure you know that you will
never compare.
Now you may wonder,
then what am I here for?
You might try to
rack your mind,
for what people have told you,
assuming I am probably not here to
ask,
only demand.
But I must interject myself into your
thoughts my dear,
because I don’t think it was clear.
I am not here to attempt to
persuade
or raid you.
Though it may come as a surprise,
if you open your eyes,
you might find
I am not by your side.
In fact, in order to see me,
you must look
inside.
And once you do,
you will find
what I am here to tell you.
Until then I’ll wait,
and hold on to the
unsteady case,
for you to make
whenever you’re ready.
Oh wait—
I see you hesitate.
I see you were trying to
push me away.
But in fact,
I am here to stay,
if you’ll let me.
What am I?
you say.
Well, if you put it that way-
I am a choice,
I am a voice,
I am a smile,
eventually a laugh.
I am an answer
(not a question).
And most of all,
I am unapologetically
You.
Now,
this moment is not a goodbye or
even a lie and
I hold to the promise,
that I will stay.
I’ll wait and I’ll wait
And wait
And wait
for the day you
stop lying to yourself,
and finally say:
“Actually, I am not okay”.

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