Falling

By Elise Flagg, TIWP Student

It’s been seven months. Seven months since the pink tank top girl. And I’ve come to learn that she was just a single word in your book. But a chapter of mine. In those seven months nothing has changed. I still look at you like you are the only person in the room. I still talk to you like we are just friends. I still smile when your name comes up on my phone. I still get over excited at the smallest interactions. But I’m running out. I’m running out of love. Because I have given more attention, more time, more love to you than anyone else. And I don’t know what’s worse. Whether you can’t even see it, or maybe you can and you choose to do nothing about it. Because I’m tired. I’m all out of energy. I have spent my time staring, waiting, and loving you. But nothing in return. I don’t understand. Really, I don’t. What do I not have? Please tell me because I can’t find one thing that I haven’t done for you. I was there for you when you had a concussion. I was there for you when you fell behind in school. I was there when you needed help in class. I was there when you were nervous about a quiz. I was there for you when you had a bad game. I was there for you when you were stressed. I was there for you when you broke up with her. I was always there. Was I not? Apparently I am invisible to you. You say you will never find a girl for you. But how loud do I have to yell for you to finally see me? What do I have to do to get your attention? If I drowned would you notice? I don’t get it. What do I not have? Yeah okay I don’t have the typical blonde hair blue eyes skinny waist. But is that really what you want? I have long brown hair that has blonde highlights in the summer. That’s all I can give you. And eyes that shine gold in the sunlight and green in the darkness. I’m pretty smart, too. Smarter than you. I’m not tall. I’m not short. I’m pretty average sure, but I have more than that and you know it. So don’t act like I have nothing to offer. I have more to offer than any girl you have seen. Combined. I’m falling for you. I’ve fallen so far I can’t even see the sun again. And yet I’m still falling. How far can I fall? You said you cared. I’ve run out of words. What am I now? I’m done being the girl who’s fallen for you. And it’ll take me the entirety of my life to crawl back out. But I need to do it. And you need to stop pushing me back down. You will always be in my heart. But I’m done. With all of it. I hope one day you will realize you could’ve had it all. But you learn and you live. So take this as a lesson. Don’t let the best things run out of your life. And to be honest. I will always be here. I honestly don’t think I can leave this hole I’ve dug for myself. I’ll be here for a while. Waiting. Now it’s up to you to decide when you want to come and join me. 

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