Absolutely No Negative Consequences

By Sol Dente, TIWP Student

Before you ask, yes, I’m in Hel.

No, don’t ask me what it looks like. It’s not like I could tell you that anyways, you know, blindness and all. When I was alive, all I could see was black, and now I’m dead and all I can see is black.

Oh yeah, I’m dead.

That’s a pretty big part of being in Hel. Probably thought I should mention it.

It’s weird, technically the Eiser are immortal, we’re gods after all, but we can still be killed by normal methods like a sword to the head or a mistletoe spear to the chest.

There was only one of us that wasn’t supposed to be able to die, but guess what? He’s down here, too.

The Norns work in mysterious ways.

The point is, I’m in Hel, and have been for the past forever or so. Technically I’m in here because I killed my brother, but I’m not sure how much of that is my fault and how much of that is Loki’s.

I would probably put it at 90/10.

95/5 if I’m feeling particularly bitter about it.

Plus the whole reason Baldr is stuck down here permanently is because of Loki, so I think I’m allowed to be little bit salty.

Baldr, by the way, is the god that wasn’t supposed to die. He also just so happens to be my brother. See where this is going yet?

Yeah, I killed the unkillable god. Hip hop hooray and all that jazz. Remember my previous points about it not being my fault and Baldr being my brother? I was not happy about it.

I was also dead pretty soon after so I didn’t have a chance to do much about it. Actually, I did have a chance, but Loki said no to that, too.

Go figure.

And if you’re wondering about why I’m blaming Loki for everything, (a) it’s his fault, and (b), well, it’s a long story.

It all started when me and Baldr were born to Frigg, queen of the Eiser, and basically became instant hits on account of being Odin’s sons and Thor’s brothers.

Actually, Baldr was the one who became an instant hit. He was the god of light and purity, forgiveness, probably puppies, I don’t know, and everybody loved him for it.

I was more than content with staying out of the spotlight while Baldr got all the attention, call me an introvert all you want, but being blind didn’t help my chances at popularity.

And while all this was happening, Baldr started having nightmares. I don’t know what they were about, only that they woke me up in the middle of the night without fail for years until Frigg finally took the initiative. Baldr confused that his nightmares were about him dying, so Frigg went all ‘overprotective mother’ on the nine realms and made every single thing that had ever existed promise to not hurt Baldr.

Well, every single thing that had every existed except mistletoe that is. Didn’t know why, probably should have cared why, but mistletoe became the only thing in the whole of the nine realms that could hurt Baldr. This becomes important later, for obvious reasons. I’m telling you the story of his death after all.

But aside from the one exception, Baldr was now pretty much invincible. The Eiser would chuck anything they wanted – spears, swords, rocks, lighting bolts – at him and it would do nothing. Soon enough ‘throwing stuff at the invincible god’ became the hot new party game, and Baldr was somehow even more popular than before.

One day, Loki, everyone’s least favorite Fire Joten that we kept around because… actually I don’t know why we kept Loki around. Maybe it was the thing with the giant’s horse, or the fact that he’s blood brothers with Odin, or I don’t know. The point is, he was around. And he was bored. This was a bad thing, as the last time Loki was bored he’d almost gotten his head cut off. At least we got Mioligr out of that mess. A bored Loki is a danger to pretty much anyone. And Loki was very very bored.

During one of our ‘throw stuff at Baldr’ parties (which, I admit, I did attend from time to time), something happened. (It’s oddly therapeutic to be able to chuck a spear at your brother while he’s being annoying and have no consequences for it.) I had run out of weapons, so Loki gave me a spear and directed me towards Baldr. I threw it, and the next thing I knew, there was a scream of pain, a lot of clamoring and a sword through my back.

It turned out that the spear Loki had given me was made of mistletoe, if you recall from earlier, the only thing that could harm Baldr. And I’d hurled it straight at his chest.

I made the connection between ‘fire joten giving me a stick’ and ‘Baldr dying because of said stick’ in about two seconds, which was good because three seconds after the scream my world spun and I woke up in Hel.

Baldr was there too, thankfully he didn’t blame me for any of it, and right then and there I accepted the fact that this was going to be a long wait till ragnarok.

What I didn’t count on happening, which I probably should have predicted, was that a lot of people were very upset at Baldr’s death. An insane amount of people actually. And because Hel (the goddess not the place) could only do so much work with basically all of the nine realms wailing in her ear about Baldr, she made a deal, that if every living thing wept for Baldr, she’d return him to the land of the living. And, of course, they all did, except for one.

And to absolutely no one’s surprise, that one was Loki.

So Baldr and I stayed dead, and are going to stay dead until the world ends, and all we can do now is play go fish with the goddess of death and explore the caverns under Yysrasil.

Moral of the story: don’t try to mess with fate. Either that or maybe don’t trust the notorious trickster when he puts a spear in your hands and tells you to aim it at your brother.

Oh well.

Hindsight’s 20/20 I guess.

Wait, I can’t see.

Shit.

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