By Sol Dente, TIWP Student
I am the ‘prefer not to say’ option on a Google form, the X on a drivers license, the they/thems among the she/hers and he/hims.
I am the yellows and blacks and the purples and the whites and pinks and the blues and the greens and the grays.
I am the wrong name on the roll call, the missing button on the zoom screen, the essay sitting written but never sent in the chat of the biology class.
I am out of order in the boy-girl lines, the shadow left alone as the class splits into two, the emptiness looking at the team sign-up sheets.
I am the reds and the oranges and the yellows and the greens and the blues and the purples spilling over the blacks and whites that try to cage me in.
I am the question mark, the error message, the one pin pulled that unravels the tapestry of lies.
I have been shared across the world, through time and space and love and death and love and birth.
I’ve been here forever, since the first particle of matter in the universe appeared, and I’ll be here forever, until the last particle of matter in the universe dies and nothing and no-one will ever be able to stop me.
I’ve been told I don’t exist, been told I’m wrong, or sinful or sick, and every time I laugh because I am more real than the scripture they quote or the gods they cite or the lies that they tell.
I have walked the line between blue and pink for all eternity, even when the lines were blurred and switched and multiplied I was there.
And I’ll always be there.
I’ll always be here.
I’ll be here in the heart of every confused teenager, or every young adult tired of misgendering, or every grandparent finally able to live their life to the fullest.
I’ll be here in every new word people come up with to describe me, every prefix and suffix they string together in a desperate attempt to feel whole and I’ll be comforting them the whole time.
I’ll be here in every cut lock of hair, in every scar scrawled across a chest, in every set of pronouns and hair color and every new new new name.
I’ll be here, reaching out to every questioning person who feels wrong in their body or their name or their gender and guiding them to a destiny where they can be who they really are.
Who am I, you might ask.
I think you already know.