Beautiful Wreckage

By Kayli Harley, TIWP Student

I read an essay in my English class with a line that goes “pretty much anything you worship in life will eat you alive,” and it reminded me of a quote from one of my favorite novels that reads, “beauty is terror. Whatever we call beautiful, we quiver before it.” I have come to the conclusion that I want this life to wreck me, because if I am fated to fall I might as well enjoy my wings. My greatest fear is lying in a hospital room with fresh linen sheets that trap my body to my death bed and not having the memory of the warm sun, gentle waves, pouring rain, or someone’s kisses etched somewhere on my skin. How can I brave the medical stench of that hospital room without the smell of chai tea lattes, fresh flowers, candlelit picnics, and fallen pine needles floating in some faded, cherished air? I will give into insanity hearing the machines churn their promises if I can’t hear the distant melody of late night drives, drunken midnight lullabies, street music in far away cities, or a beloved’s laugh. Either I live or death can wait until I do. I will not leave this world before it eats me alive. I will not close my eyes before I have quivered before every beauty.

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